… and if it’s easy, take some more.
I came across this really awesome guide to being a junkie and/or mainlining all kinds of fun crap – apparently there is some debate about just how effective this opioid-operator’s manual is, but it’s really only missing some commentary on the finer points…
Tip #1: Euphoria Loves Company

Not sure whether you’ve scored a sixteenth of an ounce of pure or just some heavily-cut rat poison? This is where the buddy system comes in handy.
Give your buddy a sizable dose and roll your buddy’s body on the floor until he or she stops responding.
If your buddy comes back around, it’s good shit.
If your buddy does not awaken after a few kicks, proceed to Tip #2.
Tip #2: You Better Recognize
Is the emergency operator there to save you, serve you, or control you?
Take your time and ponder the deep questions – there will be plenty of time to sit back and chill out while the emergency operator has you on the line.
No worries if you miss a few instructions: your buddy won’t notice.
Note: If your buddy starts breathing, hang up immediately and proceed with Tip #1 from the “So You Want To Avoid Jail Time” pamphlet. If your buddy becomes very cold or begins to turn a deep shade of purple, proceed with Tip #4 from the “Evading Arrest and Capture” guidebook.
Tip #3: Support Your Local Bodega

Wow! Using recreational drugs sure is hard work!
… and you can’t do your job properly without good tools. Remember to visit your local bodega for fresh supplies every time you shoot up: supporting your local underground drug paraphernalia economy is just one of the many ways that you make life in your community better as a junkie.
Don’t forget: You have to peel apart the wrapper on your syringe to get it out. Chewing, stomping, drop-kicking, and burning the wrapper are not as effective as a simple peeling motion completed with your left thumb firmly against the base of the syringe tube or plunger against your left index finger while you gently peel away the clear plastic side of the wrapper held snugly between your right thumb and right index finger.
Tip #4: Be More Inconspicuous

Nothing affirms your worth as a human being more than arguing over needle disposal with the orderlies and reception staff at your local hospital – but remember: they can summon law enforcement at any time.
Keep your discussions with hospital staff brief (you can make use of colorful gestures to cut down on talk-time).
If you are particularly skilled in the ways of opiate requisition, you can complain of kidney stones: make lots of noise and, while providing a urine sample, prick your finger to discharge blood into the cup so the staff will have to give you more drugs. A convincing performance will net you approximately 1-2 doses of the pharmacist’s special reserve stash (and remember: the pharmacist is the connoisseur of dope).
So they don’t want you to leave your needles with them – it’s not your problem. You can dispose of your kit in a variety of ways and they will be none the wiser (consider the potted plants in the waiting room – be creative!).
Tip #5: It’s Like Injecting Pure Awesome

Pure, fresh water is one of the most potent drugs known to man.
Did you know that your body is made up of almost 70% water?
Injecting large amounts of water directly into your circulatory system will instantly produce a bracing episode of ecstatic joy – be ready for the time of your life!
Tip #6: Don’t Always
Don’t always do nothing – some of the best advice you’ll ever receive.
Tip #7: HIV – It’s Not For Everyone

Contrary to what you may have heard, Human Immunodeficiency Virus is not for everyone.
Most people are naturally immune, so try not to worry about it too much. The odds that you will be struck by lightning while falling out of a dirigible into a lagoon filled with sharks are far greater than the likelihood that you will ever have to remember what “HIV” stands for.
As you can see, however, some people are not immune. Take note of the woman in this illustration: from the languid musculature of her physiognomy to the half-hearted, broken smile she wears (not to mention her choice of the color purple as the mainstay of her couture) she obviously has HIV.
So remember: HIV is nothing to worry about. Watch out for AIDS, though. You probably already picked it up from sharing needles (just like the “Take Charge, Take Care” guide warned you). Don’t you wish you’d picked up this useful treasure trove of knowledge before you decided to inject foreign substances in your body?
Tip #8: Hepatitis Don’ts

If you have hepatitis A through to hepatitis F, it is inadvisable for you to drink regularly, take over the counter pain medications, or breathe onto food at the buffet line. It is also a bad idea for you to actively persuade or coerce other people to come into contact with your secretions.
What you can do, though, is more heroin (which has long been known to cure a variety of diseases). It is probably also OK for you to have just a few more bottles of MD 20/20 from time to time or inject alcohol into your femoral artery – your doctor can tell you more about safely administering alcohol intravenously (or you can refer back to Tip #5 after you acquire a wood or grain alcohol – preferably industrial grade quality or better).
Tip #9: You Know What You Have To Do
Are you some kind of nobody? No way! If you’ve been keeping up with the handy tips provided herein, you’re already well on your way to total enlightenment and the ability to work miracles simply by thinking about them.
A lifetime of depression is a total waste – do what you gotta do and make it stop right away!
Tip #10: Treatment – Everybody’s Doing It

When you’re out of money and it’s hard to score (or when your tolerance builds up and you can’t afford a decent dose anymore because that rat-bastard scag baron you’ve been buying from has started slanging WEAK shit that barely even works and you wonder why someone doesn’t just STAB HIM IN THE EYES with a handful of rusted woodscrews for this OBVIOUS BREACH OF TRUST and his ongoing failure to maintain the very-important potency of your contractually-obligated supply) you can always take a stroll down to the methadone clinic: they’ll hook you right up (and who says you can’t take your regular dose right along with that tasty pink syrup they’re always just giving away?). Yum!
Keep an open mind to Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-step programs. Sure, it’s boring and sometimes even a bit un-cool to attend… but the coffee is free, and you’ll have a chance to swap stories and make connections with people just like yourself.
Will you go to the next meeting right away, or did you forget Tip #1 already? You need all the buddies you can get!
Congratulations, reader. You are now ready to administer your own intravenous drugs! You’ve taken charge and you’ve taken care, but how much can you take?
I digress (in fact, that’s about all I’ve done here) – but give the manual a read if the idea of a government entity instructing individuals on the proper administration of illicit substances fascinates you at all.
The tone of the manual was certainly a conscious choice on the part of the writer, though the words seem geared toward the mitigation of personal responsibility for negative consequences insofar as the reader is concerned (“it’s perfectly OK that you want to inject caramelized sugar and weird chemicals into your arm, just be careful”) and the choice of admonitions (“You deserve good medical care, regardless of your drug history.”) suggest that the writers are attempting to gain the trust of the reader (this notion is support by the use of slang throughout) but – and this is where the good intentions which make such fine pavement come into play – shooting up isn’t going to be a risk-free process (despite all the advice on preventing infection, washing hands, avoiding shared needles, etc) and the decision to frame the pursuit of addiction in encouragement really does not sit well.
You have made a decision – one which is very clear to most everyone (if not yourself) – when you elect to inject yourself with recreational substances… you’ve forcibly ejected yourself from society. You are not entitled to anything beyond what others might offer you out of sympathy. You do not have any right to dispose of your used syringes at hospitals – the hospitals have mandates to accept your waste out of concerns for public health.
The “Take Charge, Take Care” materials might do better to stress taking care and care only – the worst mode of failure for care is injury to the addict. To instruct the addict to “take charge” with a notion of entitlement or special dispensation is irresponsible (what are the odds the junkie will get it right?) and an insult to anyone whom the latter might elect to abuse or defraud in the deluded pursuits of his or her addiction.