Trip: Recursive Algorithms and Animal Reality
I was beginning to fall into my standard dissociative bad trip concerning the fractal universe and the endless futility of life, which lasted throughout the trip and which I won’t detail here.
. . .
I saw life as animals and the first humans saw it, a constant struggle where death is always here, real, a coldness threatening to envelop you, the coldness of the wind, the coldness of hunger seeping away the energy from your muscles, the coldness of the gaze of a predator enveloping you and coming to nullify you and absorb you into itself. And the hope of life, the neverending struggle to find some warmth to push death away for a minute, some food to pump some energy through your veins and through your mind, to find a sheltered spot to escape the impersonal and hostile wind, some safety to allow you to plan for a tomorrow and to hope for some good times, times when the sun is shining through your body and soul, when your stomach is full and you can hope for a new life, when the fear of death subsides and in its place the lust of life starts shining like a bright bulb, looking for another brightness to unite with it and give birth to a new life.
Good times that end as they came, leaving behind a fading memory of light and violently pushing you back into the struggle, running from the coldness that encroaches into your soul and always towards the light.
. . .
This was a very inhuman, scary trip, the sort of which I haven’t had with other PEA’s. It was a pretty traumatic experience that I am still integrating. It reminded me of the fragility of our affluence and of the brutal struggle for survival we escaped a short time ago on an evolutionary timeframe and in which we could again fall… I plan to repeat it, but under completely different circumstances. Probably in the mountains, and on a warm day.
- Animalism
by Fenrir
