The Vision
It is not often that I step back into the mindset that I was in when I first saw it all unfold. I often feel like I am remembering what I saw-but it makes no sense to refer to the vision in the past tense, because I saw things which have not yet happened. Deja vu pervades the whole experience, and, at times, my life, in the context of the things which flashed through my mind. I am now grasping at threads of the tapestry which was briefly unfurled. I saw eternity through my own eyes and the eyes of others.
To clarify, I do not believe that I have answers. The answers, like the questions which would precede them, are obvious to the point of hardly mattering. The experience of what will come is what matters-just as journey is more than its destination. The passage of time is more than the sum of its parts. Every combination is being tried, and eventually every combination will have been tried-once every possibility is exhausted nothing will be tried. In the void all will begin to take shape as before.
I remember it and continue to sometimes see it in a flickering white light at the center of my field of vision. Sometimes the light will grow in intensity, as though I am watching an explosion of light and energy dissipate into my surroundings. At other times I simply see moments in time, brief though complete sensations of seeing, hearing, touching, breathing, even thinking which occur simultaneously with the uninterrupted flow of input from my immediate surroundings. It is at these times that my breath escapes me, the immediate world suddenly dims, and my thoughts scramble to make sense of what I have just seen.
The particular experience that just struck me was somewhat familiar-in its first part I am realizing that I will often be misunderstood, that my world is completely inaccessible to any others (all this is incumbent upon having any kind of ego differentiation, after all) and then I am acutely aware of a particular instance of this occurring, namely, as I walked down 4th Avenue in O***** (headed downtown) with two of my friends. It was at that time that I saw the glimmer of light and for less than a second was overtaken by all time and space suddenly dissolving. While walking I was thrown into an absolute vacuum, seeing only the light, and then being jerked back into my next step.
What significance this particular aspect holds I cannot say at this time, for (as before) I only have pieces of a much grander tapestry to review. I intend to return to this topic later, as I do not doubt I will continue to experience these apparent lapses of cognition (into a far more interesting understanding, from my perspective).
